Today’s advice: Don’t forget that your significant other has family too and when you get married, they’re your family as well and their feelings, schedules, and important events need to be considered.

One of the reasons I’m skipping this wedding is people are putting too much of an emphasis on personal appearance.  I’ve already heard reports of family members being harassed over what they’re going to wear.  Since I refuse to accept that (and know I will be thoroughly inspected before, during and after the wedding), I put in my RSVP refusal early.    I don’t get this.  Why should appearance matter?  True, showing up in a jeans and T-shirt is inappropriate (unless it’s a casual wedding).  Showing up looking like you crawled out of a sewer isn’t a good idea either.  I don’t understand why people make such a fuss when 1) It’s for one day.  2) The most important part of a wedding is the piece of paper you sign at the end signifying you’re married.  and 3) There are so many other things to worry about.

Allow me to let you in on what was going through my mind at the last wedding I went to.  The wedding was in the evening which gave me the whole day to get ready.  It also gave me the whole day for me to have a panic attack that I get whenever my routine is disrupted.  I was also was living on half an income at the time which allowed for rent and not much else.  This meant absolutely no budget for a new dress.  I had a new to me dress where I love the design but hated the fabric.  It made me look ten years older and a lot chubbier than I am.  My hair was okay but I was still in the “Do I really want long hair?” phase.  I didn’t wear makeup because it was over ninety degrees and makeup feels uncomfortable to me at that temperature.  Also, I rarely wear makeup.

I went and had sort of a good time.  The sort of comes from the fact that the wedding coordinator did a poor job of planning so the reception felt chaotic and the food line stopped before half the people at the wedding got to eat (In my opinion, you let people get food then do the toast or toast first then food).   By that point, my ride was getting ready to leave anyway so I didn’t get to try any of the food.  Also, a friend who was nice to me on Facebook instantly and for no understandable reason greeted me with scowls and glares as she does every time she sees me in person (she was quickly removed after I got home as I have a very strict policy of if you can’t be my friend in real life, there’s no point in being online friends.  I’m sure she was relieved).   People said I looked nice even though I felt so out of place.  And having a backpack for a purse doesn’t help but being a city dweller and a college student, a backpack makes more sense.

I hate when I can’t be myself.  I’ve worked really hard to like me and it bothers me when I have to put on a show so someone else isn’t bothered.  I do try to look nice but sometimes, in the rush of life, I leave the house with hair that should be combed more or washed better.  I already have that pressure.  I don’t need the added pressure of feeling I will be rejected if I’m not perfect.

I don’t see why people who are in or attending family weddings should have this kind of pressure put on them.  Shouldn’t it be about the commitment being made?  Sure, it sucks that I’m skipping weddings now because I’m so terrified of how I look but until I can feel better about myself at a wedding, I’m staying home.  Where I can wear my sweatpants and no one freaks out if you can see my cleavage.

In my opinion, if you’re planning a wedding and are hyper concerned about how your guests dress, pay for their clothes.  Otherwise, worry about what you’re wearing and leave them alone.

January 8, 2011

Dear Future Fiancée:

By now you know quite well how I feel about marriage and for me to say yes to you means that I truly believe in us and am committed to you.  I love you (I wouldn’t say yes if I didn’t love you) and even though I don’t think marriage is necessary to build a life with someone, I’m glad you love me enough to want to stay with me for a long time.

Now that we’ve agreed to get married, it’s time to plan the wedding.  I’ve been dreaming about this day since I was a little girl and have very specific ideas.  Granted, those ideas have changed throughout the years, but I think I’ve decided what I want to do.  My ideas are pieced together from lots of weddings I’ve heard about and the ones I’ve attended.  I think in order to best illustrate my dream wedding, we need to watch the Sex and the City movie.  I have it on Blu-Ray.  We’ll pick a Friday night, I’ll make dinner (actually, I think we should order Chinese), we’ll curl up on the couch and we’ll watch the movie together.  My dream wedding is depicted in the movie.  I don’t want exactly what they had, but I want to capture the same spirit.  It doesn’t have to be where they had their wedding.  Actually, I have ideas about that too.  We may not even have to leave our house to have our wedding.  Thank you for watching a chick flick with me.  I promise next time you get to pick the movie.

Now that we’ve planned the wedding, it’s time to plan the reception.  I don’t want the reception to be on the same day as the wedding.  The wedding is for the closest of our friends and family.  After the wedding, we’ll have a big meal and celebrate then.  Since I think we should get married in the middle of the day, we can find a really great restaurant in the city and have an amazing lunch.  The reception should be a big party for everyone who wasn’t at the wedding.  My aunt can help us with this.  She’s a pro at throwing big parties.  I’m terrible at throwing parties.  I work my ass off and no one comes.  This is why I think a big wedding would be kind of pointless.

I think we should have a potluck.  Some people may shudder at the idea but hear me out.  I know lots of good cooks.  As you know, the Cline’s are famous for their potato salad.  I know plenty of people who can run a barbeque.  And people should come as they are.  If they want to dress up, I say dress up.  If they want to wear jeans and a T-shirt, go for it.  We should pick a lovely spring or summer day and just have an amazing time.  The day’s not about flowers, fancy dresses, and expensive food.  It should be a relaxed celebration.  If people freak out because we didn’t have caterers or favors, that’s their problem.  The last time I checked, caterers weren’t a requirement for marriage. This arrangement might upset people but you know how I feel about big weddings.  Also, you know how I get when I’m stressed out.  I really need our wedding day to be as stress free as possible.  It’s about the commitment we’re making and I don’t want to lose sight of that.

Most importantly, no one is going to go into debt for this wedding.  If that means we have to get married in a pastor’s office and skip the reception, so be it.  There are so many more important things.  I want to own a home with you.  We should put our money towards that.  You know what I’m talking about.  Three bedrooms:  one for us, one for my office/library, and one for a guest room.  A garage and a back porch would be nice too.  This is what I want but we can negotiate.  We can even negotiate on the wedding plans, but please—no massive weddings.  And no one needs to know how much is being spent.  I can’t stress this enough.  I’ve been known to skip weddings because I was tired of hearing people complaining about the price tag.  Our guests don’t need to carry that burden.  People should have fun at a wedding not be stressed or feel guilty.

I don’t understand why people spend so much money on a wedding.  Seriously.  They last a few hours and the flowers eventually turn brown and crunchy and have to be tossed.  Half the time, there are so many leftovers they join the flowers in the trash or people helping out have to beg the guests to take them home.  Or the in-laws are eating cake for breakfast for a week.  I’ve seen it happen.  It is such a waste.

I know I’m asking a lot.  I’ve already asked you to love a woman with a panic disorder, no desire to have children, and ambitions for a career that could keep us separated for periods of time.  I could be crushing your dreams of a massive wedding but I want so much more for us.  I want us to build a life where we trust each other, make each other better, and most of all love each other.  I don’t believe in settling.  I believe in marrying for love and not money or status or to make other people feel better.  This is about us.  Our day should be about that and not expensive clothes we’ll only wear once and stuff that gets thrown away.

Thank you for listening to me and most of all putting up with me.

Love,

Megan

Your Future Wife

However, I have decided to end my blog “A Life In Singularity.”  It’s been a fun time but as many people can see, I haven’t posted anything lately.  I’ve decided I want to do something new, fresh and different with the blog.  One of my requests that I get all the time is to write fiction.  This is something I haven’t quite figured out how to do.  I now have some ideas I want to try and put more of my fiction out in the world.  And I plan to use this space to do that.

Turnaround takes time so I am going to take some time with this in preparation to make something really amazing.  This will be the source of some of my most experimental, imperfect work, but I am excited to make it happen.

Stay tuned for more updates and information as I progress.

To my loyal readers, thank you for your support.

Megan Cline

The Starstruck Farmgirl

What can you say about her? Nearly three decades of life behind her and has she really lived? She hasn’t done the things a nearly thirty year old woman should do. She has driven a car but doesn’t have her license. She has lived alone for three years but hasn’t had anything resembling a real relationship. There was this guy. She liked him. He seemed to like her. He was educated and on his way to becoming a pastor. She didn’t know what she wanted to do. She always wanted to be a screenwriter but her career was going nowhere. He married a different girl instead. At the wedding reception, she chatted with the bride’s mother. The mother revealed an interesting detail: the groom was worried he wouldn’t be respected as a pastor if he wasn’t married. Phew. She dodged a bullet. Seven years later, he’s still married with three children. She’s got a cat and a tiny apartment. And still no man. She has condoms in the bathroom drawer but no man.

And is she okay with that? Would she rather be married to someone whose sole purpose for getting married is to make other people less uncomfortable? Is she worried the condoms will expire before she gets a chance to use them? There are bigger things to worry about. The shelf life of condoms isn’t one of them. Marriage isn’t all that great to her. In her own family, there are more people divorced than married. Besides, she doesn’t want to get married. She’d like to see herself in a long term relationship. One where the door is open to leave but neither of them wants to leave. That would be the bigger challenge. Even bigger than being married as long as her parents have been together. All she wants to do is live. Take a few more risks. Make more friends. Perhaps once she learns how to maintain healthy friendships, she’ll be ready for the next phase—a romantic relationship. For now, she is enjoying her time of singularity before fate, destiny or whatever romantic movie cliché is popular at the moment decides something different for her.

I’d like to say it’s because I’m in a relationship and no longer single and that the time I used to spend blogging is now spent with my man.  However, there is no man.  Elliott the cat is still the only man in my life and I’m still fine with that. 

Actually, I’ve spent the summer job hunting, trying not to get bored out of my mind, going crazy (literally), coming back from going crazy, and surviving.  In the future, I will share details of what happened but there are still a few details that will stay with me.  But I’m okay now.

I’m looking forward to returning to share of the joys, pains, and experiences of being single and still celebrating this life that I’ve chosen for the time being.  I hope you will return to continue this journey with me.

Before my comments are flooded with, “Hey!  That’s not true.”  I’d like to post the following disclaimer.

I just thought this was an interesting article.  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t date your dentist.  This article raises some interesting points.  I totally agree with the “don’t date the office mate point.”  I’ve seen first hand how this doesn’t always work.  Then again, any place you meet people has drawbacks.

I think people should live their own lives and not get involved in other people’s situations until it becomes critical to the safety and well-being of others.  Even still, I might have an opinon, but that doesn’t mean the other person is going to listen.  I have a classmate who I feel is soon to make a bad career move.  No matter what I tell this person, they’re still going to do what they want to do.  The outcome doesn’t affect me directly.  Who am I to say that I’m right?  I could be a speed bump on the road to the career of the next Michael Bay.  Or I could be witnessing a career end before it can start.  In this situation, I really don’t care what happens.  Let another slacker rise to the top.

On the other side of the coin, is me having to witness a train wreck.  Someone I care about is making choices that are harmful but all this other person sees is a life reminiscent of something from a movie.  Using any movie as a manual for happiness isn’t exactly a good idea to me*.  In this case, I’d like to speak up.  Yet the other person has their head stuck so far in the clouds that no matter what I say, it’s not going to do squat.  It’s either going to sound really judgmental or that I’m not being supportive.  I was in the beginning.  Until it came to light that key facts were omitted.  Now I’m just ticked, a little disgusted, and ready to hit someone.

In the above situation, lives are at stake.  Not in the physical sense, but in the emotional sense.  It shouldn’t affect me but it does.  It’s why I don’t watch Jon and Kate Plus Eight anymore.  Why would I want to tune in to a family self-destructing so I can be entertained?  It’s not entertaining.  It’s sad. 

Maybe I’m a dirty dog for even being upset but I’ve had it.  I think this is why I like to keep to myself.  This way, I only have to worry about me.  And my cat because he’s like my child and I’ve  accepted responsibility for his care. 

Enough sadness!  Let’s take a moment to look at my baby when he was a baby:

*Knocked Up is a prime example of this.  I love that movie, but I would hate to live my life like it.  Just a little side note.

I so want to do that sometime.  Seriously.  I want to go downtown with a box of hot dogs and just hand them out to people.  It would be interesting to see what kind of reactions I’d get.  Although, I’d probably just make them at home.  Liz said she spent $150 on hot dogs.  I could probably do the same for $50.  I estimate that would be about 200 hot dogs (give or take).  Plus I’d need to buy a box of food tissue paper to wrap them in.  So it’d be about $55.  It could be done.  Someday.  After I pay my bills and regular living expenses.

Before I did that, I’d try the hug thing.  My first year in the city, a girl about my age stood outside the bank with a sign written on the back of a notepad that said “Free Hugs.”  She asked if I’d like a hug.  She seemed sweet so I said yes.  It put a smile on my face, made me happy, and gave me a fond memory.  I want to try that sometime.  I’ve thought about doing it on campus to counter at the religious whackos who can’t decide on a religion and the crazy fundrasiers who accuse you of hating babies if you don’t give them money.